Enough Peace to Rest
by valeriebean
Summary: Since the Cyberwoman incident, everyone has been wary of Ianto. When Ianto goes missing, they are forced to look past his betrayal and remember that they are his friends.
1. Chapter 1

Gwen kissed Rhys goodbye, taking the time to gaze adoringly at him before heading out for work. She could taste the coffee on his breath. Everything felt familiar and warm with Rhys. She wondered if he noticed how needy she'd been over the past few days. Her experience with the Cyberwoman had driven home how quickly she could lose everything that was precious in life. She wished she could talk to Rhys about it.

It had been four days since the Cyberwoman incident, and everything felt cold at Torchwood, especially when Ianto walked into a room. Ianto had been doing his job, going through the motions. He didn't toss out any witty barbs, and he only spoke when spoken to. His betrayal left a foul stench in the air, and his apology, though unspoken, was sincere. A part of Gwen wanted to hold and comfort the man, but his split loyalty had nearly gotten her killed.

Ianto wasn't in the reception area when Gwen came in. There was no coffee made. Heading into the main hub, she saw Tosh already at her desk working. Jack was in the morgue, completing paperwork a dead body Ianto had left in the basement. Gwen scanned for Ianto, heading upstairs to get a better view. Maybe he was picking up something fresh to eat. He did that sometimes.

Things were calm and low key, so Gwen went to her desk and started sifting through the Torchwood database, learning about alien threats, so she'd be able to recognize things like a cyber conversion table. She wanted to understand why Jack kept that hand in a jar in plain view, and why he found it so precious, but none of her research ever made mention of it.

Owen arrived an hour later, making some crass remark about what he'd been up to last night. The memory of their kiss was fresh on Gwen's lips and she shifted uncomfortably. Irritated, Gwen made a snappy reply and went to find coffee. Still none made. She scanned the hub for Ianto again.

"Did Ianto not come in today?" she asked the room at large.

Owen shrugged disinterestedly.

"Haven't seen him," Tosh replied.

"Has anyone phoned him to make sure he's okay?"

"You really think he'll be okay?" Owen said patronizingly. "He's cracked. I'm surprised he still comes in."

Pulling out her mobile, Gwen made the call, but after one ring, it went straight to Ianto's voicemail. She tried two more times, but never got through.

"Do you know where he lives? I'll go check on him," she said, pocketing her phone, and crossing over to Tosh.

"Check on who?" Jack asked, trotting up from the morgue.

"Ianto. Have you noticed he's not here?" Gwen said, an accusing tone in her voice. Jack's callousness toward Ianto made everything more difficult. Even thinking about forgiving Ianto was difficult with Jack still mad. "The coffee not made? The lunch not ordered? Where does he live? I'm going to check on him."

Jack shook his head. "It's not your job to-"

"If I don't, who will?" Gwen interrupted, crossing her arms, glaring sternly. "We are his friends. We're the only ones who know his girlfriend was turned into a cyber-whats-it. He can't exactly tell a shrink."

"Maybe he did," Owen quipped. "Maybe he's in a mental ward."

"That's enough," Jack snapped, glaring at Owen. Hands in his pockets, he adopted his fearless leader aura. "Tosh, get Gwen the address."

"I don't have it," Tosh said.

"Look it up," Gwen retorted.

Grumbling, Owen grabbed a phone book.

"I mean Torchwood doesn't have it," Tosh clarified. She called up a record on the computer. "He doesn't seem to have-"

"Where does his mail go?" Gwen asked, her detective instincts kicking in.

"Post office box," Tosh shrugged.

"Can you track his mobile?" Gwen persisted. Tosh was normally such an innovative information gatherer. Gwen didn't understand why she wasn't tearing up and turning over every stone. Except that Ianto had betrayed them.

Tosh looked to Jack and Jack gave her a nod. Turning to her computer, Tosh quickly accessed all the geolocation systems that she should never have had access to. It only took a few keystrokes.

"That's odd," Tosh said. "He's here."

"Where?" Jack asked, pushing closer to Tosh, suddenly alert and urgent.

"Not that specific. Switching to life signs detector," Tosh said, calling up a different system.

Owen crowded around, too, tensing when the red dots appeared on the screen, showing everyone's heat signatures.

"It's that room again," Owen growled, fear rising in his voice. "What is he doing in that room again?!"

"Nothing good," Jack said, breaking away from the group and running for the stairs. "Stay here!"

"No, Jack!" Gwen cried, chasing after him.

"I gave you an order," Jack said, turning around, imposingly invading her personal space.

Gwen squared her shoulders and jutted her chin. "I'm going with you."

"I'll handle this," Jack insisted. "He's not your responsibility; he's mine."

They stared off silently for a moment. Gwen could see the hurt in Jack's face, but also legitimate concern. They were all struggling with the same thing: they wanted to help their friend, but they couldn't see past his betrayal.

"Fine," Gwen said, backing down. She extended her hand. "Give me your gun."

"Gwen-"

"You will not point a gun at him. He's been through enough!" Gwen insisted, stamping her foot and motioning with her outstretched hand.

They stared off again, sharing in the anger, hurt, and confusion of the situation. He could be running into anything down there, and she was taking away his first line of defense. For Ianto. Jack's jaw tightened and moved in a funny way, but he relinquished the sidearm. Gwen raised her eyebrow at him, and he reluctantly handed her the pistol strapped to his ankle as well. Gwen held the weapons, shaking, hoping she wasn't sending him to his death. Again.


	2. Chapter 2

Ianto lay on the cold, concrete floor, staring vacantly at a hole in the ceiling. He'd slipped and twisted his knee, and not bothered to get up or call for help. He was already in so much pain, it didn't seem to matter... and he deserved it. He wasn't supposed to be down here. Not one week ago, cyber-tools were coming through that ceiling hole, waiting to upgrade anyone strapped to the bed. He'd told himself that the technology was necessary to save Lisa. _Save_. Now the bed and the tools were gone, and there was a giant hole. Water leaked in, pooling around his shoulder. The right sleeve of his jacket and shirt were soaked, and his arm was going numb.

He heard footsteps and closed his eyes. It was easier to let someone believe that he'd passed out here than that he'd been lying conscious for hours, waiting for hypothermia to set in. As soon as his eyes were closed, waves of exhaustion crashed around him so intense he thought his chest would collapse. His awareness of the world waxed and waned.

Someone pulled his hand out of the puddle. He felt a warm, rough hand on his wrist, taking his pulse. Ianto played dead. He recognized Jack's touch. Lifting Ianto's torso off the ground, Jack pulled off Ianto's soaked jacket, then wrapped him in a warm, wool blanket. Despite himself, Ianto groaned needily, rolled onto his side, and pulled the blanket tightly around his shoulders. His numb, right arm had no grip, and it hurt to move. His injured knee snapped and the world went fuzzy again.

"Watch the puddle," Jack murmured, scooting backward, pulling Ianto with him. The backs of his fingers brushed Ianto's cheek tenderly and Ianto opened his eyes, surprised and afraid.

"You shouldn't be here," Jack said. There was no anger in his voice. Jack was giving him a second chance, and Ianto didn't feel he deserved it.

Ianto turned away, ashamed. It was hard not to come back to this room-the place he'd kissed and cared for his girlfriend... the place he'd said goodbye. Jack's fingers kept brushing tenderly along Ianto's jawline, and Ianto squirmed. The blanket had warmed him enough for him to realize how cold he was. Shivering, he clutched the blanket tighter. His fingers ached from the chill.

"There's a couch upstairs. Softer. Warmer. Better to sleep on," Jack said lightly. He was trying to make the conversation sound casual, and sidestep the obvious humiliation Ianto felt. He'd known enough to bring a blanket.

Ianto shook his head. It was the first real acknowledgment he'd managed. Upstairs, there were others to judge and despise him. There was so much penance to be done, and lying here in this cold room was hell enough. "They'll make fun."

"No they won't. I won't allow it," Jack said warmly. His thumb brushed tenderly over Ianto's cheek and Ianto shuddered. Ianto's face was still bruised, but Jack's was completely healed.

"Just because you don't allow something, doesn't mean it doesn't happen," Ianto said dryly. He was trying desperately to shelve his pain and move on, but Jack was making it difficult by being so compassionate.

"I've noticed," Jack chuckled, giving Ianto a pat on the shoulder. "Come on. We'll go upstairs. I'll order you some nice, warm soup and you can make your famous coffee."

Ianto cringed. He'd been strong for days, and he was drained. Jack noticed the cringe and gave Ianto's shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

"I'd offer to make coffee, but you remember what happened last time?" Jack said.

"Sent the base into lockdown," Ianto recalled. He couldn't help laughing at the memory, and the feeling of being a part of something. "Still don't know how that happened."

"We all have our talents," Jack quipped. He gave Ianto's dead arm a tug, and Ianto sat up groggily, but the exhaustion, chilliness, and trauma of the night swirled and combined into a lethal dose of pain, and he blacked out before he could stand.


	3. Chapter 3

Gwen paced back and forth in front of her desk, tapping her palms together nervously. It'd been almost fifteen minutes since the two red dots had moved, and she was worried that something was wrong. They'd all agreed to go back to work, but no one was really working. Everyone was awkwardly avoiding eye contact.

"They're coming," Tosh warned. Gwen sat down quickly, trying to look busy. She heard one set of heavy footsteps, and Jack emerged, Ianto slung over his shoulders.

"Good God, what did you do?" Gwen cried, jumping up and running to check on Ianto. Ianto's clothes were wet and dirty, his skin pale, his hair askew. There was a tan blanket twisted around his torso.

"Owen!" Jack hollered, ignoring Gwen and making beeline for the med bay. He laid Ianto on the bed, ripped the tangled blanket from Ianto's body, and quickly unbuttoned Ianto's damp shirt. Gwen wanted to help, but between Jack and Owen, there was a flurry of motion around Ianto, and she'd only be in the way.

"Gwen, any luck with that coffee? He needs something warm," Jack said tersely.

"He's unconscious; he's not drinking anything," Owen said smartly, pulling Ianto's eyelids open and shining a pen light at them.

"He was conscious a minute ago," Jack said. He snapped at Gwen and pointed.

Owen worked quickly, covering Ianto with blankets to warm him. There was a lot of swearing as he poked and prodded the skin. Ianto's fingertips were blue, and one knee was purple and swollen. There'd been too much death already, and Gwen couldn't bear to watch. Forcing her feet to move, she stumbled into the kitchen area to make coffee. She'd never tried to get this machine to work. She didn't even know where the grounds were kept or whether the faucet water needed to be filtered.

"He prefers tea," Tosh said quietly, her voice laced with guilt. She set an electric kettle to boil and handed Gwen a box of teas. Gwen had no idea which one to choose, so she chose a black tea at random, and brewed it. She didn't know if Ianto preferred sugar or milk. She knew about Owen, Tosh, and Jack, but Ianto had been right. No one paid attention to him or asked after his life.

When Gwen returned to the med bay, Ianto was awake. His eyes were glassy and his breathing shallow. The fingers of his left hand moved subtly, like he was petting the blanket that covered his body.

"Tea?" Gwen offered, holding out her paltry gift. Owen snatched the cup, and Gwen retracted her hands. Even from this distance, she felt helpless and in the way.

Jack sat at the head of the bed, pulling Ianto onto his lap, helping him sit up and keeping the blankets around both their bodies. The front of Jack's shirt was open, allowing skin-to-skin contact to warm Ianto. Ianto reached for the cup, but his hands were shaking too much. Jack cradled Ianto's chin, holding him steady, and Owen held the cup to Ianto's lips. Ianto drank slowly, then collapsed against Jack, exhausted.

Owen asked Ianto questions, and Ianto answered quietly, his eyes drifting open and shut. A few times he motioned for the tea, but every sip seemed to exhaust him. Jack got defensive whenever Owen made a cheeky comment, and every time Jack became ornery, Ianto would try to move away from him. Ianto was too weak, though, and he'd inevitably fall back against Jack, panting with exertion. At one point, Jack and Owen were arguing, and Ianto closed his eyes. His breathing settled and the shivering stopped.

Gwen nearly panicked, but Owen didn't appear concerned. Owen set up a computer to monitor Ianto's vitals, and Jack got out of the bed, lying Ianto down and keeping the blankets tucked around him. Closing his shirt, Jack backed up the stairs stoically, leaving Owen to continue his doctoring without interruption. Gwen linked her arm through Jack's comfortingly.

"What was he doing down there?" she asked.

"Missing her," he said cryptically. "I should have known-"

"How could you, Jack?" Gwen interrupted. She preferred Jack to be strong and unflappable. She thought she wanted to see his human side, but now that it was there, open and raw, it frightened her. He hadn't been betrayed by a work colleague or a friend. Ianto was his family.

"I was watching closely the first few days. I thought he was fine," Jack said quietly, squeezing Gwen's hand, keeping his eyes on Ianto. "It wasn't that I didn't notice him missing, I just thought..."

"We all make mistakes," Gwen told him. It didn't help, saying it, but it was all she could say.


	4. Chapter 4

Ianto awoke in the med bay bed, wrapped in a pile of warm blankets and wearing a wool cap. He was physically alive, but emotionally dead. His chest contracted as the pain of losing Lisa washed over him, but no tears surfaced with his sobs. His lips were dry, his tongue parched, and his head throbbing. He tested his warm fingers and elbows, moving the stiff joints, vaguely feeling his limbs brushing skin to skin. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

The smell of Chinese food wafted through the bay, and Ianto's stomach growled. Pushing up to his elbows, he waited for the black spots to disappear from his vision and the nausea to pass. His headache magnified, and he squinted as the dim light in the bay became almost unbearable. There was an IV next to his bed, but it wasn't attached to him. His suit was draped over a chair, freshly cleaned and pressed.

Gingerly, he dressed himself, cringing at how unclean his body felt in the clean clothes. It didn't make sense, though, because his body was clean. It was his soul that felt dirty. He left his feet bare since every time he moved his knee, he thought he'd pass out. Shirt and pants were enough. Taking one of the blankets from the bed, he wrapped it around his shoulders like a cape and padded barefoot up the stairs, gripping the railing so he wouldn't fall, following the smell of food and the sound of laughter. He felt like his presence was tainting the place.

"Did you order any for me?" he asked, leaning against the wall for support. The conversation and laughter came to a screeching halt. There were so many exploding lights in Ianto's vision that he could barely make everyone out, but even blurry, he knew them by their respective postures. For a moment, they stared at him, stunned, and Ianto started to feel as welcome as a resurrected corpse. He clutched his growling stomach, and tried to stand tall on his one good leg.

"Always," Jack said, snapping out of the shock. He scooted his chair over and pulled up an empty one, patting the seat. Ianto didn't particularly want to sit by Jack. He didn't want to sit anywhere in the group, really. He was so used to being left out of conversations and pub crawls. His part in a conversation was never more than a witticism. He'd been prepared for a barb, not an invitation.

Taking a few tentative steps away from the wall, Ianto limped to the empty chair and sat awkwardly between Jack and Gwen. No one was saying anything. They all just stared at him. Ianto smoothed his shirt self-consciously, then looked at his hands. He probably needed to wash his hands. His throat got tight as he watched Gwen prepare a plate for him. There were five entrees on the table, and she was only serving him his favorite two_. _She knew-she knew something of him.

Ianto tried to keep his breathing steady, and failed to the point where Owen stood up to check his vitals. Owen's fingers were hot against Ianto's neck, and Ianto dropped the blanket, closing his eyes.

Gwen put the plate in front of him, offered him chopsticks, then slid a fork discreetly next to the plate. His fingers weren't working that well, but pride dictated he muddle through with chopsticks.

"How are you feeling?" Owen asked.

"Hungry," Ianto answered, fumbling with his chopsticks.

"You've been asleep nearly thirty hours," Owen said. "How long had you been awake?"

"Can we save the doctoring until after he's had a bite?" Jack interrupted, putting a hand on Ianto's shoulder.

Ianto leaned into the touch so that he wouldn't pitch forward. He ducked his head, not wanting to answer any questions. Chinese food was his favorite, and he was hungry. Giving up on the chopsticks, he clenched his fist around the fork and poked clumsily at a piece of kung pao chicken. Gwen slid a cup of tea next to his plate, and he couldn't muster a thank you. He'd killed the laughter in the room.

Owen plopped broodingly in his chair, stabbing at his food. Then Tosh made a comment about a case they'd started that afternoon, and they all started laughing about getting mooned by a bunch of weevils. Gwen and Tosh kept saying Ianto's name, like they were talking to him-sharing the story directly with him. He tried to smile, but he was weak, and he didn't want their pity. He managed to get some of the food down, and then he went quietly to the couch and laid down. The food felt like a lead weight in his stomach, and his head ached.

"Ianto," Gwen called after him.

"Shh," Jack hissed. He lifted Ianto's head and tucked a pillow under, then added a fresh blanket, making sure it covered Ianto's bare feet. It was confusing, taking comfort from the people that had killed Lisa, but then, it wasn't their fault. Lisa had died in Torchwood 1, Ianto just didn't want to see it. Because of him, two innocent people had died. He felt Jack's fingers brushing his cheek again, and he shuddered, feeling unworthy. Jack gave Ianto's shoulder a squeeze and returned to the table.

"Save the doctoring for later? Brilliant," Owen grumbled.

The witticisms continued, and Ianto listened to the familiar sounds of their voices. There was nothing in him that didn't hurt, but if he concentrated on the memory of Jack's hand on his cheek, and the look of compassion in Jack's eyes, he could find enough peace to rest.


End file.
